i think i might be one point two dogs (1.2) and that scares and thrills me.
i wrote this in the middle of the night and i think it likely fucking sucks but i dont really care.
content warning for everything you can imagine basically. also car seat headrest. this isnt an essay or anything good really, it just sorta exists.
again massive content warning for a ton of things.
i think i might be one point two dogs and that scares and thrills me.
i think i might be–
> im so sick of, fill in the blank, the blank, the blank
i think that i might want to die. not rea;;y. but it feells that way. ok so i am walking and there is an image of a blade going 319 rpm right into the top of my head and this repeats, repeats, and it’s like an album cover, grindcore, deathcore, heavy twin death engine metal, candygore pop,
> but you hold your breath, hold your breath
and so this is what it is, (but not really), thats not ocd really. thats an image of violence i create for art reason,
> ive got a right to be depressed
art reasons. ocd is worse, i think it is ocd at least. maybe it isnt really. i think, well it’s not her, tetra soho thinking, it is a thought of a tongue being chopped off, 319 rpm deli machine, the art part here is a creation of a video that will never be made where i bag my tongue up. and put it on the scale. and print out a label. that is art. ocd is just the tongue and the deli machine.
> i get signs from the audience
capitalism requires death and ocd. "by OCD We mean a series of intrusions into the mind upon which forms and shapes it and traumatizes it".
> you havent tried hard enough to like it
"By OCD We Ee We We Ee We We" mean what exactly?. it's not ocd. youre not allowed to have ocd. nothing happened that made it so you deserve ocd. thats a fucked up way of looking at it. it's the forever question of "what if i/we/she are faking it?", maybe, just maybe i tricked myself into,
> i will never see the light
believing i have something "wrong" with me to fit in with the other queers,
> theres a really good opening part here of the version of fill in the blank from that one live show album, i dont remember the name but it is red, the cover is.
trying to figure out what happened is like looking at nuclear (?) fallout and attempting to figure out the exact type and model of the bomb that fell—
> there will be no answer
i think i might—
> trying to let some air in
I THINK I MIGHT—
> i get signs
I THKNK I MIGHT—
> theres such a cool riff (?) here
i cant say it really, she cant admit to what she fears,
> i have got a right to be depressed
i hold my breath, i hold my breath, i am drowning, being held under water accidentally by this kid i am friends with, it is elementary school and ee are at a pool,
> fill in the blank, the blank, the blank,
and he bolds me under accidentally and i nearly drown i think, i dont make a fuss or anything,
> it took me a long time
i dont say "i think i nearly died" because i think i didnt want to be a nussience (i am not sure how to spell this word)
> from the cops
because if i DO then i get isolated, i get othered, i get turned into the weird kid,
> drums
she/i was always the weird kid. he. maybe he. i dont think
> this one is for you
that indivual was the same as me, feels utterly alien, a presence that merely occupied my body, place, area, event, it's 2023 and i am holding someone i love, and i am loved, and she is beautiful,
> teens of style
we are just teens of style, but thay teen named [][][][][] did she really ever really exist?, she certainly wasnt alive, it's 2017 and this lily soho realized she was trans in 2014, she starts hrt that year,
> victims of the comtemary style
well she starts blockers, but it's 2018 and she is ok and she isnt questioning if she is one or one point two dogs, because she isnt a dog, she is a woman, she is a nonbinary eoman, she never stops in a pet store and looks at the collars,
> i get to know myself every weekend
but it's two thousand and eightteen and she is lily, not lily soho, she dirsnt paude to consider the possibility that there might be a life shattering event that she doesnt remember,
> we are just teens of style, we are just, we are just teens of style
she doesnt pause, thats what im trying to say, she is lily [][][][][][][][] and
> just another shitbag civilizan
YTANNY TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY TRANNT TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY SHEMALE SHEMALE SHEMALE SHEMLAE COCK IN A DELI SLICER FLYING OFF VICTIMS OF A COMETEMATRY STYLE, GOING ALONG WITH A MODERN STYLE, DRUGS ARE BETTER, DRUGS ARE BETTER, DRUGS ARE BETTER, DRUGS ARE BETTER WITH FRIENDS ARE BETTER FRIEND S ARE DRUGS ARE BETTER TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY LILY SOHO 2019 AND SHE IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE A FRIEND GAVE HER BECAUSE SHE HSS FRIENFS FRIENDS ARE BETTER
> los borrachos opening but not the teens of stule version
lily soho never considers the pause thr possibilty that she mightbe been assaulted ss a child,
> i miss those good old boys
it's december tenth 20201 and i put in paperwork to quit a job, i dont exactly hate it beut it caused me to hurt myself,. npntetra you had the ability to not hurt yourself, but you FUCK
> i miss those good old boys who could still find joy in life to talk about
Eed up, you didnt realize sooner TRANNY
> trying to live
oooh, that you > ooooh < that you were another thing, 20013 to 2020/19 seem to go on forever, thats, you wajt to die but you dont even twalize it stupid faghot you
i have all the car seat headrest songs on spptify downloaded, its it is that is to say "it's" 12:07,
> you would commit yourself compelty
i think i quot my job because im scared of > it wasnt healthy anyway > the idea of being foxed in place, fixed, punication, this is such a good ficking song, but ishe isnn scared of being settled, because when you are ALWAYS ON THE MOVE NO ONE CAN HURT YOU NO ONE CAN LOVE YOU AND YOURE ALL ALONE AND YOURE ABLE TO NOE T NOT LOVE YOURSEL BUT ABLE TO EXIST WITH YOURSELF
)> i will to go to heaven
what if i was plural?, thats a fear(((?))) i have,
> can you kick his ass? can you kick his ass for me?
not a fear but a question, g-d my neck bread, beard, it's grown out too much, i should shower,
> it will be all right , fuck you
lily soho is alive in 2024 and the world isnt ending because she doesnt think it's ending (not really) and she is wondering if there was something that happened in her cnildhood she doesnt remember, maybe she madeup an ebemt that she doesnt remeber, cin order to feel speical, > and if you dont come jome tomight > she is scared that she madeu made ot ip, aaaaaaaaaa, made it up, she had dreams,
> this is car seat headrest
and so she doesnt know anything anymore, she doesnt remember age zero to noneteen, mo wait that is me, holy fuck i am going to be 21 (twenrty one) soon, they seemed to pass without meaning, bit she (me) thinks that it would explain some things
> YOU HAVE NO RIFHT TO BE DEPRESEED
no one wants to cause you pain. paun. paim. pain. from thr cops. but maybe it would explain some things, she doesnt tjink that she should be thos mentally ill, a rod goes into jer eye on om in her mind, metal, she jokes about > I HABE A RIGHT TO BE DEPRESSED spmeone fucking her eyepussy, shemale futa amazonian cock in her eye pysst,
> you are mow listening to car seat headrest
eye pussy, this is a cruel joke where she creates sexual fantasty nightmares (they arent noghtmares to her) that can never be emacted
L
> ove known for a ling time
nit she, nut, but she eants, oh jesus fucking christ ehy did we buy those things fucking idiot, but she wants someone to use her, please spmeone use me!, > stsy the fuck out > stay the fick out > seven foot nine inch tall ten inch long cock amazonian fucking her eyepudsy and letting her mind rest for a mlment, moment,
> (von vincent music<>).
half the time i want to go home
she thinks she deserves to suffer, i am living here everday, just sadaism, just sadism, it helps you desexribr it iy helps you desceibe it, someone has got to kill me i think, i am speeding ip into speed statsis, speed stasis, i dont knoe joe to spell words most of thr time, if i sm beong honest eith myself, it must be hard to speak in a forgien langauge, intoxicatio, half of the time i am like this, i am speeding up to something in the hopes i escape the noring because the boring is suffering, surely this isnt it, surely we dont siffer anf them then fuck off ofotrever , oooooo, (car seat hrad rest soinds) , but i think me suffering only makrs sense, the , i dont habe the tome, time, the thing about abise, abusive relationshops they dont tell ypu,
> destroyed ny hippie powers opening
they dont tell you that you eill maybe miss it at points, i think my first relatsbions relationshop
> i am freaming out in my mind in a house that ios isnt mine my end goal isnt clear
i think my first relatshopn TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY SHEMALE SHEMALE SHEMALE LET ME FUCK YOU IN GOUT (YOUR) EYE SLUT was horroble for me > tell my mother i am going home > o have been destpryed > i think it ess was really bad for me but i moss it sometimes, i thimk that i sm suppose to be abused , its the poimt of a puppy, picture of the national lambpoon wjere its a gin gun being held to a dogs head, (car seat ueadrest soujds) you koll s puppy dont you?. thats sorts the point i think, thats sorta THS POINT I TBINK (car seat hadrest sounds), i think its like of yoi sliced up a spul with a deli slicer > and i am weak > you sliced up a spul and (woth a deli slicer) and then you tried to snd dod (and did) glu e the soul back together, it was so obbsense, but theres alsoways (always) gonna be this soul that cpuld spilt into many souls at amy moment and so i think a little bit of something else go into thete too> there wiere people getting drink there were people getting high > and so you sliced up my soil (soul) with SHITBAG CIVILIZAN a deli slicer AND HE WAS LIKE and glued it back together but i think theres ghosts and the fivine (divine) and my past loves and pail paul virilio stuck in there too so you get one point two dogs,
yeah there we go theres a ficking imafe, hell yeah DRUGS ARE BETTER DRUGS ARE BETTER FRIENDS ARE DRUGGS DRUGS ARE BETTER THAN FRIENDS FRIENDS ARE BETTER , DRUGS ARE BETTER FRIENDS ARE BETTER FRIENDS ARE BETTER, it's 2005 an d i am twenty dix and i have a badass car
> i woll not settle
fooor a long time, i fear slitting my wrists so much, thats wht me self harming scared me eo fucking much and i cant get it out of my jead,
i feel so empty trying to explain this <>. <.
SOMEONE LOVW ME SOMEONE USE ME PLEASE OLEAEE FUCKING USE ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME, useless piece of shit. but it sxares ne,
i kept, keep falling in love with artists who
> DRUNK DRIVERS
> KILLER WHALES
i want to love me, destroy me, someone give me a reason why i am like this. i am more mentslly ill than you, > no one should ever have to look at themselve > popular rock ballards ><<,,, '',,,',''','',',',',':::, but not really, not really, you are more mentally ill than me because you have a reasonf to be this way, i dont have ang reason, no one ever really harmed me, surely..surely…..surely?. thr jottest thing a woman can do is kull me, kill me i mean, the zecond hottest is be a mentally ill jewish transsexual eho makess music and can tell me about things i dont knoe about,
> dont worry baby
holy fuck 2,109 words. thats way too many,
> what a golrious hell,.
LETS GO MISS SOHO, LETS GO, LETS GO, LETS GO, MISS SOHO YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL AND THE ONLY PERSON EHO REALLY EXISTS
> she os not an unforgiving girl,
YOURE THE MAIN CHARACETER OF YOUR REALITY BABY!, NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TONYOU TO UOU TETRA MISS FUCKING SOHO, COME ON NABY, COME ON BABY LETS BE A WAR MACBINE, LETS BE
> yeah
> i am only going to day this once
LETS BE A THOUSANE NO TEN THOUSAND THUNGS, EVERYONE IS YETRA SOHO, SHE IS NOT AN UNFORGIVING GIRL, SHE ISNNOT AN UNFORGIVING GIRL. KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME. KILL ME. KILLLLLLL ME KILLLL ME. I WONFER IF SOMEONE ACTUCALLY HARMED ME OR I AM MAKING IT UP.
> unforgiving world but shes not an unforgiving world, i meab girl.
does it matter if someone harmed me, not really. i exist. i am here. "fuck you". i dont want to be mentally ill. i dont think im plural. not really. i couldve been. i coupd be. plural systems have assumed i was before. jews sssumed i was jewish before i wanted to be a jew. i think i am a jew now. (.not really.). but enough jews think i am a jew, this is cyber postmodern judaism. it's 2020 and she is lily soho and she doesnt exist. she could never really exist. lily is my dog name. it's the name someone who i let oen (own) me call me. tetra souo soho is too weird to be any one thing. it doesnt matter ehat happened, she doesnt remember what happened and i am sje
.
> it will mever br okay.
ok ok ok so theres this girl i wanna kiss. i want to kiss her so fucking mych. i love her i think. nut but i am insane. (not really (yes really)). hppt://tetra.soho. i dont knoe what happened. no on e deseveres mental illness, it's a.tbing that happesn. it doesnt matter if i got it. because of something. ifk. idk. fuck off. go. shut up. im going to bed now.